"Many Of Us Are Being Harmed Or Provoked By Others In Our Daily Life, Be It Our Friends, Colleagues, Businesses Associates...etc. This Book Is Very Useful In Changing Our Mindset And How Are We Going To Handle Those Nasty People & Situations... Take A Break !!! Relax"
Venerable Thubten Chodron discusses anger from a wide perspective and shows us how to acknowledge our anger as well as how to handle it and eventually transform it.
Extracted From The Book
THE KINDNESS OF THE ENEMY:
The more we train in this way, the more we’ll realise that the people who harm us are in fact very kind. First, by harming us they allow our negative karma to ripen. Now that specific karma is finished. Second, by harming us, they force us to examine our actions and make firm de- cisions about how we want to act in the future. Thus, the person who harms us is helping us to grow. He’s kinder to us than our friends!
In fact, enemies are kinder to us than the Buddha. That’s almost inconceivable. “What do you mean my enemy is kinder to me than the Buddha? The Buddha has perfect compassion for everyone. The Buddha doesn’t harm a fly! How can my enemy who is such a beep beep beep be kinder than the Buddha?”
The more we train in this way, the more we’ll realise that the people who harm us are in fact very kind. First, by harming us they allow our negative karma to ripen. Now that specific karma is finished. Second, by harming us, they force us to examine our actions and make firm de- cisions about how we want to act in the future. Thus, the person who harms us is helping us to grow. He’s kinder to us than our friends!
In fact, enemies are kinder to us than the Buddha. That’s almost inconceivable. “What do you mean my enemy is kinder to me than the Buddha? The Buddha has perfect compassion for everyone. The Buddha doesn’t harm a fly! How can my enemy who is such a beep beep beep be kinder than the Buddha?”
Look at it this way: to become Buddhas, we need to practice patience. That’s one of the far-reaching attitudes and it’s a very important practice of the bodhisattvas. There’s no way to become a Buddha if we can’t be pa- tient and tolerant.
Who do we practice patience with? Not with the Buddhas, because they don’t make us angry. Not with our friends, because they’re nice to us. Who gives us the opportunity to practice patience? Who is so kind and helps us develop that infinitely good quality of patience? Only the person who harms us. Only our enemy. So, the enemy is much kinder to us than the Buddha.
My teacher made this very clear to me. At one time, I was the vice-director of a group. The director and I didn’t get along at all. That’s why I know Chapter Six of A Guide to the Bodhisattvas’ Way of Life well. During the day, I became so mad at this person, and in the evening I’d go back to my room and think, “I blew it again! What does Shantideva suggest I should think in this situation?”
Finally, I left that job. I went to Nepal and saw my teacher, Zopa Rinpoche. We were sitting on the veran- dah of Rinpoche’s house, looking at the Himalayas, so peaceful and calm. Then Rinpoche asked me, “Who’s kinder to you, Sam or the Buddha?”
I thought, “You’ve got to be kidding! There’s no com- parison. The Buddha is obviously so kind. But Sam is another case.” So I replied, “The Buddha of course.”
Rinpoche looked at me as if to say, “You still haven’t gotten the point yet!” and said, “Sam gave you the op- portunity to practice patience. The Buddha didn’t. You can’t practice patience with the Buddha. Therefore, Sam is kinder to you than the Buddha.”
I just sat there dumbfounded, trying to digest what Rinpoche said. Slowly, as the years went by, it sank in. It’s interesting to see yourself change when you let your- self think in this way.
So, this is another way to think when we’re angry: focus on the kindness of the enemy, and think of the opportunity to practice patience. Take the bad situation as a challenge to help you grow.
https://thubtenchodron.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Working-With-Anger.pdf
First published in 1990 by Amitabha Buddhist Centre, Singapore
Now published by Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery, Singapore
Credits To Original Sources